Praying for a Mate

 

DRAFT IN PROCESS

Ideas and Suggestions of Qualities and Characteristics to Pray for in a Mate
(In a current  or  prospective relationship)

Pray for your husband, your wife, a current friend or relationship, or a prospective one you have yet to know about! Praying for your mate is probably THE single most important thing that you could pray for. If you are married, praying for your current mate–your husband or wife, is essential. If you are not married, praying for a prospective mate is even more essential! Begin now praying for God to prepare your mate AT THE SAME TIME He is preparing you.

Now, please understand this, there is nothing wrong with being alone–nothing wrong with being single!

There are so many situations resulting in people being alone. Divorce. Ending of a courtship. The death of a spouse. Broken dreams. Transfer of employment. A dramatic change in life circumstances. Sometimes, people choose to be alone or remain alone and there is nothing wrong with that. Yet other times, people want to be in a significant, meaningful relationship. How do you pray for the person to whom you will become involved–or the one that you have already married?

In the following pages, we want to share a few ideas and suggestions about character qualities, behaviors, and/or characteristics that you might want to consider in praying for your current mate–or to pray for in a prospective mate. This list is by no means conclusive–containing EVERYTHING. . . Rather, it is a “starting place” intended to help a person begin to pray for character qualities that you desire in your mate. Maybe it is an existing mate. Maybe it is a prospective mate. Maybe it is a close friendship and potential mate–maybe even already you husband or wife.

Maybe you are now married and your husband or wife is not responsive to Jesus and Christianity. Begin to pray these things earnestly for your mate along with your prayer for salvation while you remain faithful and committed to your mate. Maybe you have never married but desire to someday be, begin to pray for your mate now. Begin praying for these qualities to be present in your mate for the future.

Maybe you are divorced–or twice-divorced and you know that there MUST be something different from what you have experienced. Begin now to pray. Trust God to give you the desire of your heart.

Maybe you just want . . .  to be nice and gentle with you in a relationship–begin praying for him or her now! Pray for your mate, prospective mate, or significant friendships DAILY. Pray often and pray for them by name (if you know it!). Pray for whomever it is if you don’t know it. For, you see, God knows it–in fact, He has the perfect one picked out for you and He wants for you to have your heart’s desire.

So pray for them.

We suggest that you pray for them to experienced what has been referred to as “the balanced life.”  This includes the social, the emotional, the physical, and the spiritual aspects of one’s life. Use these as a guideline and add to them or take away from them as you feel the need to do so. All the while, work on yourself. And wait upon the Lord. And don’t force it by making additional bad decisions. Doing it your own way will mess up His way when a beautiful princess finally appears. May God bless you with a beautiful mate. He already has one chosen for you if it is your desire–now, pray.

We have tried to give practical and real qualities and characteristics for you to pray for in four general areas: social, emotional, physical, and spiritual. (The numbers are all off until refinement!).

 1. In the social area (#’s 1 to 51), we tried to suggest things to pray that are “. . . of or having to do with human beings living together as a group in a situation requiring that they have dealings with one another.”   Additional brief comments on social???

 2. In the emotional category (#’s 52 to 120), we have suggested ideas and suggestions to pray for “. . . pertaining to any specific feeling; any of various complex reactions with both physical manifestations, as love, hate, fear, anger, etc. of nature to move the feelings or passions.” Additional comment on emotional???

 3. The physical category  (#’s 121 to 150) addresses those things “. . . with regard to the body; of nature and all matter; of the body as opposed to of the mind.”  Additional comment on physical???

 4. Finally, the spiritual area  (#’s 151 to 231) addresses “. . . of the spirit or the soul, often in a religious or moral aspect, as distinguished from the body.” Additional comments on spiritual


Robert J. Vickers
Artful Askers
P.O. Box 1225
Warrensburg, Missouri  64093
(660) 747-6390

bob@artfulaskers.com
www.artfulaskers.com


© Copyright 1999, 2000, 2001, 2006  by Robert J. Vickers
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any way by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopy, recording, or otherwise, without the prior written permission of the author, except as provided by United States copyright law.


Social

 “. . .  of or having to do with human beings living together as a group in a situation requiring that they have dealings with one another.”

1 . . .  who will accept my family as their own. 
  It is very important for . . .  to get along with my family and be willing to spend special time together. Not just tolerating the interactions but valuing me enough to create meaning and value–and allow me to continue to be a part of my family.

2 . . .  who is adventurous in all aspects of our lives together.
  Is willing to try new things and is willing to take risks without grumbling and complaining.

3 . . .  who understands, appreciates, and encourages my pursuits and accomplishments.
  . . .  who will allow me to be interested indifferent things and will support me in a positive way to excel in education, career, or whatever the case may be.

4 . . .  who will brag on me in public.
  . . .  who will speak positive things about me in front of others. . . . . .  who will brag on me and say positive things about me and will be my personal cheerleader. Who will say nice things about me and not be ashamed of me.

5 . . .  who will commit to having a weekly “date night.”
  . . .  who will agree and commit to spending one night a week together on a special date night for us to do something together. Maybe eat out, or take dance lessons, or go to a movie, or take a walk–just spending individual and intimate time with me.

6 . . .  who is constantly complimentary.
  . . .  who will find positive things to say about me–and the situations we find ourselves in–. . .  who will look for the positive things and speak compliments.

7 . . .  who is dependable.
  . . .  who fulfils what they consent to do even if it means unexpected sacrifice. Will be there through thick and thin . . .  I can count on who will come running when I call. Who will make me a priority in their life. Will come home on time or call when they will be late. Will be there when I really need them most.

8 . . .  who is an encourager.
  Tells me I’m doing a good job and supports my opinions. . .  . who will go out of their way every day to tell me something positive. . .  . who will build me up rather than tear me down. . .  . who will look for the best in every situation. . .  . who will lift me up and make me feel better about myself and others. . .  . who will find a positive thing to say about every situation we find ourselves in. . .  . who won’t try to “fix” me or everything but will find an encouraging word to share.  . . .  who will actively find times and ways to speak a kind word to lift my spirit, to place a hug or a touch that will pick me up, or when to say a word in order to build me.

9 . . .  who enjoys life.
  . . .  who laughs a lot is playful. Looks for the good in things and can laugh at themselves loves to go out and have fun and likes just being alive. Is fun to be around and enjoys making others laugh. . .  . who lives life to the fullest and really enjoys living it in such a way so as to brighten others lives around them.

10 . . .  who is able to have their own friends and allows me to spend time with mine.
  A mate who will be bonded together as one with me yet still allow me the freedom to be with my own friends and do it in a loving respecting way but choose to have me as a priority over all.

11 . . .  who is gentle with others.
  Who will speak kind, gentle, and loving words. Will be sensitive to their feelings and beliefs and careful not to say hurtful things to me or other people.  . . .  who has learned to respond to needs with kindness, personal care, and likes.

12 . . .  who is a goal setter.
  life journey; driven by an inner drive to be who God wants them to be. Has purpose. Who wants to do something with their life, has interest that they are pursuing–with and without me.

13 . . .  who is happy and joyful and can make others smile, too.
  . . .  who can make me smile but who also can utilize a their sense of humor to make others laugh and be joyful, too. If joy comes forth from the soul, . . .  who has a deep character well and has joy from deep within their heart. . .  . who can be joyful and content most of the time.  . . .  who has learned how to lift the spirits of others and to be pleasant regardless of the outside circumstances.

14 . . .  who is a hard worker.
  isn’t lazy. . .  . who will work hard and do something meaningful. . .  . who sets out to do something and gets the job done.

15 . . .  who has a sense of humor.
  . . .  who can make me laugh and smile. . .  . who has a sense of humor and shares it with me and others and . . .  who gets my sense of humor.

16 . . .  who is intelligent but has common sense.
  not necessarily does this mean a college education. . .  . who is intelligent but who has common sense also.

17 . . .  who lives life to the fullest.
  . . .  that understands that life is to be lived in the here and now–and who is bold enough to grab a hold of life and live it to the maximum that God has for them–and me.

18 . . .  who will be willing to love sacrificially.
  . . .  who will give their all for the relationship.  . . .  who loves me so much that they would be willing to give up some of their own wants and desires in order to allow me some of mine. . .  . who will love me and our shared family with a sacrificial love. . .  . who will sacrifice their own self for our family–and me.

19 . . .  who loves children and will be around them joyfully.
  not mean–but encourages them and can talk on their level.

20 . . .  who will actively meet my needs.
   . . .  who will take the time, interest, and initiative to find out what my needs are and then care enough to actively seek to meet them–even if they are eccentric, unique, or different from theirs!       . . .  who is attentive to me showing my worth by giving undivided attention to words and emotions in every one of our exchanges. . .  . who will actively seek to meet my needs in every way. Who will work to make sure that I am taken care of.

21 . . .  who has good, solid morals.
  . . .  that doesn’t smoke and doesn’t drink. . .  . who has a good, strong work ethic, . . .  who respects others, and . . .  who has clean language. . .  . who has a deep character and is allowing God to grow them to be Godly. They don’t have to be perfect but has a strong desire and commitment to work on becoming stronger and better in the Lord.

22 . . .  who likes movies.
  . . .  who will enjoy catching a movie and enjoying the evening out together. Or . . .  who can stay home and watch a movie and enjoy it just as much.

23 . . .  who likes music.
  . . .  who will appreciate the art of communication through music–listening to c.d.’s, radio, and going to concerts, etc. And will allow it to mean a lot to me, too.

24 . . .  who is patient and will allow me to be human and make mistakes.
  . . .  who extends a lot of grace and mercy and allows me to be human and make mistakes without being judgmental and being harsh with me. . .  . who accepts a difficult situation without demanding a deadline to remove it.

25 . . .  who will plan the calender together.
  . . .  who will value time enough to sit down and plan the calender together. . .  church, date night, special occasions, movie, kids-night-out, ball games, meetings, etc. . .  . who will recognize the need for “staying on the same page” together and will be okay with setting down and planning the calender together.  Scheduling birthdays, holidays, family nights, date nights, church events, and other things together. Who will spend time together, go to significant events together (weddings, meetings, reunions, etc.)

26 . . .  who is positive and doesn’t complain about everything.
  looks for the good in every situation. Who will make adjustments and learn to be content within the parameters of the way things go for us.

27 . . .  who will respect me.
  . . .  who has respect for me, has respect for my family, is respectable. . .  . who will have a love and reverence for me and people that are important to me. . .  . who will respect me even though I am not perfect.

28 . . .  who is a risk taker (but NOT stupid stuff).
  . . .  who is not afraid to take a chance but will make good decisions about when it is time to try something new and when it is time to do what is best.

29 . . .  who will serve each other mutually.
  . . .  who will value me enough (and allow me to value them enough) to serve each other in a spirit of love and union together. It takes two people in a relationship both practicing this for it to work. . .  . who will commit to serving their mate, honoring their mate, and loving their mate “‘til death do us part.”  . . .  who will fix me a bowl of soup when I am sick, will clean house together, and will go to doctor’s appointments together.   . . .  who will hold me when I am on me knees with Mr. Toilet on sick-sick nights.

30 . . .  who can separate the good person I am from the bad decisions. . .
  and poor judgements that I occasionally make. . .  . who will take the time to know and understand that my heart is generally very good but my decisions are fully human all the time.

31 . . .  who will work with me in a shared calling for the Kingdom.
  . . .  who values “eternal Kingdom building” and will work together in a shared opportunity of ministry. Maybe involving travel, meeting people, serving together, etc. . .    . . .  who will find joy and fun in serving God together in “our ministry” not hers or his.

32 . . .  who shares similar interests as me.
  . . .  who likes to do similar things as I do and will take an extra interest in the interest I have–even if they are different from each other.   . . .  who has an interest in things similar to mine–that we can share together.  . . .  who is open to sharing similar likes and desires as me.

33 . . .  who is spontaneous.
  likes to surprise me or do things on the spur of the moment. . .  . who is not totally upset by changing plans at the last minute to accommodate new pieces of information or other people.   . . .  who is able to experience life being spontaneous. Who doesn’t have to plan every detail. Who can adapt to situations and do things differently than they had planned. . .  . who tries new things and is flexible. . .  . who is not afraid to change plans at the last minute and do things other than what is planned and enjoy it.

34 . . .  who will stand up for me.
  defend me, defend my honor, who will build me up. When people speak hurtful things about me, or try to hurt me, . . .  who will stand up for me and speak well of me even when I am not there.      . . .  who will stand up for me if . . .  is saying something bad about me or treating me poorly.

35 . . .  who will work to have a supportive extended family.
  . . .  who will value my family and help me to value theirs. This includes saying positive things about each other and protecting the hurtful things from always being told one-sided.  . . .  who will not only intentionally seek to help me have a supportive extended family–but who will engage in it with me and be an “involved” family member, too.

36 . . .  who is supportive of my involvement with my friends.
  will allow me to spend time with my friends and yet will choose to make me a priority most of the time. But will never place themself in a situation that would compromise the integrity of the relationship.

37 . . .  who will meet people with me and remain supportive, respectful, and positive.
  --won’t embarrass me or be embarrassed by me.

38 . . .  who will take the initiative and call, stop by my house, or whatever, too.
  . . .  who will cooperatively build the relationship rather than waiting for someelse to build it.

39 . . .  who likes to “talk through” problems and situations.
  . . .  who will listen to my side of the story and allow me to be different. . .  . who will respect the differences we have and seek to celebrate them. . .  . who will learn to express their positions and feeling, also

40 . . .  who has a teachable spirit.
  . . .  who is willing to learn. . .  . who is open to new ways of doing things and willing to listen and be open to learning new things–or new ways to do things.

41 . . .  who is trustworthy.
  . . .  who won’t lie to look good or to protect self. . .  . who I can tell anything to and know that they won’t tell . . .  else.  . . .  who is worthy of the trust I choose to give them and will be a good steward of it. Who you can trust to go somewhere without you and know they won’t compromise the relationship. Who is honest even when it is hard.

42 . . .  who will wait for me.
  . . .  who will walk slow with me. . .  . who will allow me time to sort through my feelings and make a decision. . .  . who won’t be too pushy. . .  . who will allow me time to think through the alternatives and make a wise choice.


Emotional

 “. . .  pertaining to any specific feeling; any of various complex reactions with both physical manifestations, as love, hate, fear, anger, etc. of nature to move the feelings or passions.”

43 . . .  who accepts me--no matter what.
  . . .  who will know all my faults an weaknesses and yet still accept me and love me . . .  . who will help me to grow and yet not make me feel bad for who I am. . .  . who will actually learn to love me for who I am–not for what I do, for how much money I make, or what I look like.  . . .  who will embrace me with all my hang-ups, strengths, weaknesses, good, and bads--and yet remain committed to me.

44 . . .  who is willing to hold me accountable.
  . . .  who will tell me kindly if something I am doing is outside of the will of God or will hurt my witness.

45 . . .  who isn’t afraid to dream.
  . . .  who isn’t afraid to dream and think out loud about the “what if’s” and “if only’s” before us. . . .  who will “share their heart.”

46 . . .  who will allow me to be human and make mistakes.
  . . .  who understands that I am not perfect but that I am trying to do my best–and will accept that and gently help me to be better.

47 . . .  who I am attracted to. . .
  . . .  who longs to be with me and I long to see walk in the door. Who will capture my heart by their thoughts and actions. Willing to be expressive in words, thoughts, and behaviors. . .  . who will look forward to my return into their arms and will hold me in their arms for at least 7 seconds every single time we hug.  . . .  that I can connect with. . .  . that I can have a close bond with concerning my feeling and my thoughts. . .  . who I am attracted to on the inside as much as the outside.  . . .  that I want to be with–long to be with–look forward to seeing their face, hearing their car pull into the driveway, smelling the scent of their hair. . .

48 . . .  who brightens others lives just by being themself.
  . . .  who thinks of others and is aware of the way they treat people. . .  . who will laugh and be sensitive to others as well as me. . .  . who brightens the ambiance with their presence in a room.

49 . . .  who is willing to build a future together.
  . . .  who will lay aside all past relationships and experiences, successes and failures, family expectations, and hurts and joys–and commit to build a future between the two of us!

50 . . .  who cares for others needs.
  . . .  who is always looking for a way to help or be of assistance or just listen as a friend.

51 . . .  who handles change well.
  . . .  who is flexible enough that change will not disrupt and destroy them!  Change causes pain, pain causes growth, and growth causes change. . .  and change causes pain, pain causes growth, and growth causes change. . .  . who is willing to be open to change and willing to engage in the entire process for the long run. But also . . .  who will deal with the last minute changes that are handed us throughout our lives together.

52 . . .  who will be a cheerleader for me.
  . . .  who will cheer for me when something good happens or will cheer for me when I am at fourth and goal with only a few seconds on the clock. . .

53 . . .  who will commit to spend the rest of our lives getting to know each other.
  emotionally, spiritually, relationally, physically, and sexually

54 . . .  who demonstrates commitment to me.
  . . .  who is not only committed but demonstrates the commitment in the decisions and choices that they make and how they build our relationship.

55 . . .  who will communicate with me.
  . . .  who is willing to learn to use their words and realizes that 73% of communication is body language . . .  who will listen twice as much as they talk. Will tell me what’s bothering him or how his day was and will ask about my day too. Tell what he is feeling. . .  . who talk to me and express themself. . .  . who will talk to me gently if they are upset and talk it out until lovingly resoling the issue. . .  . who desires to talk about their day with me–or to discuss their dreams. . .  . who values what they has to say enough to speak up and share important feelings, truths, emotions, or desires. . .  . who is willing to learn how to communicate in the relationship and willing to give it a try–110%.  . . .  will not be afraid to speak up. Who respects themselves enough to say what they are feeling and share their ideas. . .  . who will talk. Who will tell me when something is bothering them. Who will tell me about their day or  about what is going on in their lives.  . . .  who will work at learning to communicate and constantly improve at this most difficult aspect of relationships.

56 . . .  who will connect with me the very first thing at the end of a day.
  . . .  who will greet me at the end of the day with a kiss and seven-second hug, share their day with me, and allow me to do the same thing with them.

57 . . .  who will seek to connect emotionally.
  . . .  who desires to connect emotionally with me and will seek to do so. What’s on their heart? What are they feeling?  What are they thinking about?  What are their needs?  What are their desires?

58 . . .  who will create a secure place in our home.
  . . .  who will seek for our home to become a safe haven for all family members in it–as well as friends, family members, and even neighbors. . .  . who desires a safe and secure place in our home and will seek to make it become one.

59 . . .  who is dependable.
  . . .  in whom I can depend. . .  . who will do what they say they will do. . .  . whose yes means yes and no means no. . .  . in whom I can count on regardless of the situation.

60 . . .  who will seek to find emotional intimacy and bonding as soul mates for eternity.
  Intimacy means “into me see.”  . . .  who will seek intimacy with me. . .  . who will open themself up and share their life with me and be committed to an eternal time together.

61 . . .  who has a forgiving spirit.
  Won’t hold a grudge but will be understanding of my mistakes. Is willing to confront problems yet not let the sun go down on the anger. . .  . who is willing to let go of struggles. . .  . who knows that failure will happen–and that forgiveness needs to take place. Even when they don’t think they are 100% wrong–who will value the peace in the relationship enough to say “I’m sorry, honey, I was wrong. I made a mistake. Will you forgive me?   I forgive you and love you. Please forgive me.”  . . .  who is able to constantly practice the art of “forgiveness.”  . . .  who finds great joy in finding ways to forgive and letting things go.  . . .  who seeks to actively clear the record of those who have wronged them and not holding their past offenses against others.

62 . . .  who will actively exchange love letters and notes of encouragement.
  . . .  who will find fun in leaving notes of love to each other and allowing a fun, romantic, playful exchange of written love for each other.

63 . . .  who will work to create a “family atmosphere” with our immediate family.
  . . .  who is willing to interact with the children and have special family time together.

64 . . .  who shares their feelings with me.
  . . .  who will let me know what is on his heart and not bottle everything up inside. . .  . who will let me in on a part of the life that everyone else sees–as well as their private life.

65 . . .  who is genuine.
  . . .  who means what they say–not just telling you something that you want to hear. . .  . who has internal integrity and is genuine.

66 . . .  who is happy.
  . . .  who experience life in a spirit of happiness.

67 . . .  who is happy for me when I am happy.
  I Corinthians 12:26. . .  . who will get excited about things together and enjoy the moment together.

68 . . .  who is committed to being in a healthy friendship with me.
  . . .  who truly desires the very best for me.

69 . . .  who will hold me when I cry.
  . . .  who will not make fun of me nor tell me to stop crying. . .  . who will allow me to cy and let me be aware of their presence and support for me.

70 . . .  who keeps their word and promises.
  . . .  who will say what they mean and not make empty promises. . .  . who will follow through with what they say.

71 . . .  who knows themself.
  . . .  who is confident about who they are and is not afraid to share their own opinion.

72 . . .  who knows what they want out of life.
  . . .  who can think about the future and know what they want and don’t want–what they can achieve and not achieve. . .  . . .  who is not afraid to set goals and seek to accomplish them.

73 . . .  who is willing to learn the difference between men and women.
  Men and women are different. Men are from Mars–women are from Venus! This is so very true. Words often mean something different. Actions and behaviors often mean something different. Thoughts and intentions. . .  yes, often mean something different. Pray for a mate who is willing to learn the differences. By the way, . . .  who won’t use this “we’re different” stuff as an excuse to act unbecomingly, either.

74 . . .  who is willing to share their life’s ambitions with me.
  . . .  who is not afraid to dream and share what they want out of life with me–then seek to accomplish it together, with God’s help. . .  . who is willing to work with me and my ambitions as well. . .  . who will ask me, listen, ask me more, then listen more to help me explore what I want–and what we want together.

75 . . .  who likes me as much as I like them.
  . . .  who doesn’t like me more than I like them NOR likes me less than I like them. . .  . who will value me for being me and like me as much as I like them.

76 . . .  who listens.
  . . .  who will listen to what I have to say, be interested and not interrupt me. Not just “hear” but really “listen.”  . . .  who will lay down the paper, turn off the television, stop working on something, or hang up the phone with others and listen to me. . .  ME. Actually listen to the words AND meaning of what I am saying--NOT anticipate what I am going to say, be formulating a response, and simply waiting for their turn to talk–but will actually listen to me. . .  . who will even learn to repeat back to me what they heard me say AND then allow me to clarify what I meant or what I really wanted to say.

77 . . .  who looks for ways to love each other.
  . . .  who will try to love me the best way they know how and to think of new ways to show that they love me. Also, . . .  who will allow me to love them and will actually help me to be a better lover, too.

78 . . .  who will love me for me.
  . . .  who will love me for who I am but lovingly and gently challenge me to grow. . .  . who will take the time to get to know me and to know the way I give and receive love–then, utilize the information in a love-relationship that is beautiful.

79 . . .  who will love me even if I fail.
  . . .  who will love me even if and when I screw up and blunder. . .  . who will allow me to get lost–yet not get mad. . .  . who will allow me to spill my drink all down the front of my white shirt–yet, still accept me and not make fun of me. . .  . who can tease–in a loving way, yet, not make me feel bad about the way I am.

80 . . .  who will be a great mother or father if the Lord blesses us with children.
  . . .  who will love their children and honor them, yet still discipline them when necessary. . .  . who will lead the home, love and honor their spouse (in front of the children), and teach them important values. . .  . who will teach them the Truth and model it in such a way that encourages their healthy growth and maturity.

81 . . .  who will never go to bed angry.
  . . .  who understands that disagreements, misunderstandings, and even fights are a part of life and yet will value the relationship enough that they will resolve issues–even if it is agreeing to disagree–before turning the bed sheets back for the evening.

82 . . .  who will point out the potential in everything.
  . . .  who will be more optimistic than pessimistic. . .  . who will see the glass as half full rather than half empty. . .  . who will find good in even the most difficult of circumstances. AND ABOVE ALL, . . .  who will speak the potential verbally–in order to build the presence of this quality, the confidence, and the potential into our relationship and family.

83 . . .  who seeks to preserve the integrity of the relationship.
  . . .  who will not do anything to undermine or compromise the integrity of the relationship we share. . .  . who will value and seek to enhance the core of the relationship in such a way so as to only build each other and the relationship we share. . .  . who will know when something is right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative, building or destructive.

84 . . .  who will be proactive toward each other–not always responding.
  . . .  who will take some initiative and not always wait for things to happen before taking action.

85 . . .  who will reach out and grow.
  . . .  who won’t always wait on me to be the leader–rather, . . .  who will seek to grow and develop on their own, also.

86 . . .  who will have realistic expectations.
  . . .  who will have high standards and yet be realistic. . .  . who will extend a lot of grace and mercy when disappointments happen or expectations are not met.

87 . . .  who seeks to immediately resolve conflict.
  . . .  who doesn’t have to get the last word in or yell and shout to make a point. . .  . who will go out of their way to NOT be antagonistic or egg-on an argument. . .   . . .  who will try to maintain peace in the church, the neighborhood, the home, or, especially, the relationship.

88 . . .  who has respect for my family.
  . . .  who will respect my family and allow them to be imperfect as well. . .  . who will not put down my family for any reason–and seek to build strong relationships with them.

89 . . .  who is sad with me when I am sad.
  . . .  who will allow me to be sad when I am sad. . .  . who will allow me to be sad and who will support me by holding me, hugging me, wiping my tears, and supporting me even when I am sad. . .  . who will allow me to cry when I need to cry.

90 . . .  who has a sense of humor.
  . . .  who can make me laugh–and those around us, too. But . . .  who can use discretion and know when it is appropriate to use humor and when it isn’t. . .  . who can tastefully deliver a line and make people feel comfortable in laughing–rather than making them uncomfortable. . .  . who thinks I am funny, too.

91 . . .  who is sincere.
  . . .  who is eager to do what is right without ulterior motives. . .  . who is genuine and seeks to do what is best for all involved.

92 . . .  who will speak the truth in love.
  “Beautiful words are not always truthful. Truthful words are not always beautiful.”  . . .  who will not be afraid to speak the truth but speak it in a loving and honoring way. . . .  who will tell me the things that I need to work on in my character in a loving way, and will also allow me to speak into his/her life as well.

93 . . .  who will spend time together traveling.
  . . .  who will spend time with me–even if we travel together. Who enjoys spending time together and likes to try new things. Who will make traveling fun rather than a hassle.

94 . . .  who is sweet.
  . . .  who thinks of little things to say and do to make me feel good. Thinks of others first.

95 . . .  who will be tender.
  . . .  who will gently and tenderly interact with me. . .  . who won’t be afraid to hold me accountable or speak the truth to me–but will do it gently and with much love. Who will share intimate moments and be gentle and kind. Who doesn’t have to be tough all the time. Who can open up and be sensitive.

96 . . .  who is understanding.
  . . .  who will be patient and understanding with me and will be relational with and to me.

97 . . .  who is willing to be vulnerable.
  . . .  who is willing and even desiring to make themself ope and transparent to me and a few, select others. . .  . who will allow me to know them–their past, present, and future. Their thoughts, feelings, and emotions. Their dreams, desires, and wishes. . .  . who is not afraid to be open and vulnerable with all aspects of themselves–their inner-, outer-, and social beings. . . .who will open themselves up and allow me to see their heart and soul, even if what they say is embarrassing or difficult to understand.

98 . . .  who may not understand the weird things I do but still puts up with them.
  . . .  who recognizes that I am a unique and eccentric individual and will allow me to be that way–not only allow me, but encourage me to be that way!   Who will laugh with me and not embarrass me when I do dumb things or put up with my quirks and idiosyncracies.  . . .  who allows me to be goofy and weird in certain areas of my life–things I collect, watch, do, etc. . .


Physical

 “. . .  with regard to the body; of nature and all matter; of the body as opposed to of the mind.”

99 . . .  who will accept my family and lovingly interact with them.
  . . .  who will accept my family as their own–for better or worse and sill treat them with respect and honor (especially when they are less than respectful and less than honorable). . .  . who will share holidays, special days, sad days, happy days, and every day with my family and work to accept them as their own.

100 . . .  who will be active in the lives of our children.
  . . .  who will go to their activities (plays, sports, scouts, games, performances) without grumbling and complaining..

101 . . .  who is athletic.
  . . .  who will try sports even if they are not that good at it. . .  . who will try it just because I like it.

102 . . .  who has beautiful eyes.
  . . .  who has eyes that are beautiful and reflective of a deep character. . .  . who will share their eyes as a “window to their soul” and will not be afraid to open them and allow me to “come in.”  Who will allow me to look into them for long periods of time in imply getting to know them.

103 . . .  who has a beautiful smile. 
  . . .  who has a beautiful smile and is generous with sharing it with me and many others around them.

104 . . .  who has a nice body.
  . . .  who has an attractive body and who is aware of the physical necessity of keeping it in shape.

105 . . .  who brightens others lives just by being themself.
  . . .  who just has the natural, God-given ability to share their life in such a way as to brighten others lives just by being themself at church, at work, on our block, and, especially, in our home.

106 . . .  who has dealt with their own past. . .
  and is willing to do whatever necessary to go forward in life. . .  . who has let the past go. . .  You cannot change the past but you can change the present and you can change the future. If you’re living in the past, you’ll have no future. I fact, living in the past can ruin a great present and future.

107 . . .  who is healthy and health conscious.
  . . .  who understands the principles of taking care of themselves before they can take care of others. . .  . who is healthy socially, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. . .  . who is seeking health–whether they are totally healthy or not. Who isn’t lazy and who take care of themselves (good hygiene) likes to work out together (ride bikes, play ball, go for walks)

108 . . .  who will defend my integrity.
  . . .  who values the sanctity of our relationship. . .  . who will defend me whether or not I am around. . .  . who will stand up for me and will build me up in front of people. . .  . who will defend my integrity.

109 . . .  who will work to create a “family atmosphere” with our immediate family.
  . . .  who values the role of the family and realizes that “living our faith” starts in our home in every single aspect. . .  . who will value our immediate family and work hard to create meaning and value within our family. Who will strive to make the environment a happy one and create good memories for our children.

110 . . .  who is fun and playful.
  . . .  who enjoys life, laughs a lot, and creates a fun atmosphere for me and others wherever they are. . .  . who enjoys walks in the rain, tickling, massaging, swinging at the park, and understands the role of fun in our lives. Who will take me out and make me laugh. Enjoy each others company even if we aren’t doing anything.

111 . . .  who holds hands, likes to hug, and tolerates massages.
  . . .  who likes to touch and be touched– a lot!  . . .  who likes to hug for long hugs and enjoys a good foot massage, back rub, or body massage.

112 . . .  who will hold me and comfort me in hard times.
  . . .  who knows how to listen when it is time to listen and just hold me and comfort me when it is time for that!  Not just to be nice, but . . .  who looks for those moments when I need to be held and comforted.

113 . . .  who will love me for me.
  . . .  who will not try to make me be . . .  else–or like them!  But . . .  who accepts me as I am and will love me for who I am. . .  . who will accept me where I am at but love me too much to allow me to stay there. Who will love me for who I am right now but also wants me to grow and become a better person.

114 . . .  who will seek to provide safety and security.
  . . .  who will seek to provide a safe and secure environment for our home and family. . .  . who will not take unnecessary risks and put us in danger over stupid things or too risky of situations. Who can protect me.

115 . . .  who loves sex as much as I do.
  . . .  who loves to touch and play in the sanctity of our marriage–in our bed. . .  . who desires physical touch and sex as much as I do. Who will try new ways to playfully make love. Who will want to make love often and be responsive to each other. Who will seek to meet me in this need and enjoy it because it pleases me.

116 . . .  who likes going for walks.
  . . .  who likes holding hands and going for walks. . .  . who enjoys nature and likes being in it.

117 . . .  who will tolerate watching sports together with me.
  . . .  who will sit and watch sports with me even though it may not be their favorite thing to do–they tolerate it because I like it.

118 . . .  who will work with me within our shared calling.
  . . .  who will share an interest in what God has called me to do and allow me to do it–and who will join with me to co-labor together.


Spiritual

 “. . .  of the spirit or the soul, often in a religious or moral aspect, as distinguished from the body.”

119 . . .  who is willing to make accountability a part of their life. . . 
  . . .  who is willing and able to make a commitment to be accountable to each other. . .  . who will be gentle in holding me accountable to mutual things and who will allow me to gently hold them accountable.

120 . . .  who is alert and aware
  . . .  who is aware of the events taking place around them so that they can have the right responses to them.

121 . . .  who is available.
  . . .  who allows me absolute unlimited access to them 24 hours a day, seven days a week. . .  . who will take my call when I call, allow me to interrupt when absolutely necessary, and who knows and does what is expected of them.

122 . . .  who has similar beliefs as I do.
  . . .  who will be open to similar things as I am. . .  . who has similar values, similar values, and a similar belief system as I have.

123 . . .  who is bold
  . . .  who demonstrates the confidence that doing what is right will bring ultimate victory regardless of present opposition.

124 . . .  who is caring.
  . . .  who is sensitive and caring to me and others around them.

125 . . .  who is cautious
  . . .  who can see the future consequences of present actions and make appropriate decisions.

126 . . .  who is compassionate
  . . .  who invests whatever is necessary to heal the hurts of others by the willingness to bear their pain.

127 . . .  who is content.
  . . .  who realizes that God has provided everything need for our present happiness.

128 . . .  who is willing to seek counsel and consult others on significant and major decisions.
  . . .  who will seek feedback from others and make intelligent and informed decisions.

129 . . .  who is courageous.
  . . .  who fulfills responsibilities in spite of being afraid.

130 . . .  who is creative.
  . . .  who can apply wisdom and practical insights to a need or task.

131 . . .  who is decisive.
  . . .  who is learning to finalize difficult decisions on the basis of what is right.

132 . . .  who is able to exercise deference.
  . . .  who limits their freedom to speak and act in order not to offend the tastes of others. . .  . who uses discretion in knowing what to say and what not to say in particular settings.

133 . . .  who is determined.
  . . .  who purposes to accomplish goals in time regardless of the opposition.

134 . . .  who is diligent
  . . .  who visualizes each task as a special assignment and using all their energies to accomplish it.


135 . . .  who is practices discernment constantly
  . . .  who consistently demonstrates the ability to understand why things happen to them and others.

136 . . .  who uses discretion
  . . .  who uses the ability to avoid words, actions and attitudes which could result in undesirable consequences.

137 . . .  who practices endurance
  . . .  who shows the inward strength to withstand stress to manage what occurs in life.

138 . . .  who is enthusiastic
  . . .  who has learned what actions and attitudes please others and can become excited about doing them.

139 . . .  who practices fairness (equity)
  . . .  who looks at a decision from the viewpoint of each person involved and making the best decision.

140 . . .  who demonstrates and live their faith
  . . .  who has developed an unshakable confidence in God and is acting upon it.

141 . . .  who is flexible
  . . .  who will learn how to cheerfully change plans when unexpected conditions require it.

142 . . .  who is generous
  . . .  who realizes that all they have belongs to God and can benefit others.

143 . . .  who lives and demonstrates the goodness of God.

144 . . .  who shows grace in my weaknesses.
  . . .  who will allow God’s grace to be sufficient in my weakness or blind spot.

145 . . .  who is grateful
  . . .  who can make known to others in what ways they have benefitted their life.

146 . . .  who is growing in their faith.
  . . .  who is genuinely trying to be a better Christian and learning more about God and His word.

147 . . .  who is a hard worker.
  . . .  who will work an honest day of work for an honest days pay.

148 . . .  who is honest.
  . . .  who is honest in their words, actions, dealings, and behaviors.

149 . . .  who demonstrates hospitality
  . . .  who cheerfully shares food, shelter and others with whom they come into contact with.

150 . . .  who demonstrates humility
  . . .  who recognizes the contrast between what is perfect and their inability to achieve it.

151 . . .  who takes the initiative
  . . .  who recognizes what needs to be done and does it before they are asked to.

152 . . .  who has integrity.
  . . .  who is honest, predictable, secure, and attempts to walk in a respectable manner applying the practical principles of their life’s belief system daily. . .  . who is who they say they are–especially when times are hard or difficult. Honesty is who we are and how we interact with others. . .  Integrity is who we are and how we interact between us and God.

153 . . .  who is kind.
  . . .  who is kind in every way and to everyone. . .  . who has a gentle heart, a contrite spirit, and a tender word for me–and others.

154 . . .  who listens to God’s voice and His word.
  . . .  who actively seeks God and reads (and listens to/responds) to His word.

155 . . .  who is loving
  . . .  who has learned to serve the basic needs of others without motive or personal reward.

156 . . .  who is loyal
  . . .  who will remain loyal even in difficult times–using those difficult times to demonstrate their commitment to others and what is right.

157 . . .  who is meek
  . . .  who lives with power under control.

158 . . .  who exhibits a great deal of mercy.

159 . . .  who seeks to be obedient
  . . .  who realizes that God has not called us to be successful–rather, He has called us to be faithful and obedient. . .  . who can fulfil instructions so that God will be fully satisfied and pleased with their actions, words, and life.

160 . . .  who is orderly and responsible
  . . .  who has learned to organize and care for personal possessions that God has entrusted to us. . .  . who is a good steward of all things that God has blessed us with.

161 . . .  who will enter into a partnership for eternity!
  . . .  who will make a covenant “‘til death do us part” and then keep their word!

162 . . .  who experiences peace.
  . . .  who lives their life in a spirit of peace from God. . .  . who “experiences constant peace.”

163 . . .  who is persuasive
  . . .  who can listen to another person and who can use words which cause the listener’s spirit to confirm that what they are hearing is truth.

164 . . .  who will pray with me and for me.
  . . .  who will pray with me and allow my prayers–even when they are too long!  . . .  who will pray for me, too. . .  . who values the power of prayer.

165 . . .  who will seek to preserve the integrity of our relationship.
  . . .  who will preserve the integrity of our relationship by guarding my weaknesses, not sharing secrets, and defending my honor and integrity.. . .  who will seek to preserve the integrity of our relationship. . .  . who will preserve the integrity of our relationship by guarding my weaknesses, not sharing secrets, and defending my honor and integrity. Who will avoid compromising situations in public that would undermine our friendship, relationship, or marriage. Who will not go where it might be perceived as unbecoming.

166 . . .  who is punctual
  . . .  who shows respect for other people and the limited time that they have and is on time. . .  . who will be on time–or call when their plans have changed.

167 . . .  who will allow the reading of God’s Word constantly in the home
  (led by the husband).

168 . . .  who is resourceful
  . . .  who can use wisely that which others would normally overlook or discard. . .  . who is willing to find ways to stretch and utilize the resources that God has given to us.

169 . . .  who is respectable.

170 . . .  who is responsible
  . . .  who knows and does what is expected from them.

171 . . .  who is reverent
  . . .  who organizes and cares for personal possessions.

172 . . .  who believes in the sanctity of marriage.
  . . . who will stay in the marriage til death do us part and not compromise the value of the relationship by pursuing intimate relationships with other people

173 . . .  who is secure.
  . . .  who structures their life around what is eternal and cannot be destroyed or taken away.

174 . . .  who demonstrates self-control.
  . . .  who is willing to learn to bring their thoughts, words, actions, and attitudes into constant obedience in order to benefit others.

175 . . .  who is sensitive
  . . .  who knows that words and actions will benefit others and seeks to utilize them for the benefit of all involved.

176 . . .  who will speak the truth in love.
  . . .  who understands that “beautiful words are not always truthful and truthful words are not always beautiful.”   . . .  who will speak words that are truthful BUT that will speak them in a kind, gentle, and loving way.

177 . . .  who will spend personal time with God in The Word.
  . . . who will make God #1 and keep Him head of the house. To grow together in His word and “experience God” together.

178 . . .  who will find out–then, express their spiritual gifts.

179 . . .  who will encourage spiritual growth.
  . . . who will seek God and encourage me into a closer love relationship with Him.

180 . . .  who is knowledgeable about spiritual warfare and will fight the enemy together as needed.

181 . . .  who is stable.
   . . . who doesn’t allow their emotional “baggage” to effect their well being and mine.

182 . . .  who will stay together and keep their covenant through good and bad times.

183 . . .  who is thorough
  . . .  who realizes that each of our tasks will be someday be reviewed.

184 . . .  who is thrifty
  . . .  who does not allow themself or others spend that which is not necessary. . .  . who values a simple lifestyle in order to help others simply live. . .  . who doesn’t “spend money we don’t have to buy things we don’t need to please people that we don’t like.”

185 . . .  who is tolerant
 . . .  who is learning to accept others as a valuable individual regardless of their maturity.

186 . . .  who is truthful
  . . .  who understands that earning future trust is accomplished by accurately reporting past facts.

187 . . .  who is virtuous
  . . .  who has learned to build personal moral standards which will cause others to desire a more moral life.

188 . . .  who is wise
  . . .  who is willing too learn to see and respond to life from another’s perspective. . .  . who will consult others for feedback and advice and then seek to apply the knowledge.

189 . . .  who will worship God in faith with me.
  Go to church, read the Bible, study and practice God’s word with me.


                                                     A man’s needs:     A woman’s needs
unconditional love and acceptance         1                            1
sexual intimacy                                        2                          13
companionship                                        3                            5
encouragement and affirmation               4                           4
spiritual intimacy                                      5                           3
trust                                                         6                         11
honesty and openness                            7                           7
communication and emotional intimacy    8                          2
family relationships                                  9                          6
to be desired                                          10                        15
career support                                        11                       20
to provide and protect                             12                      17
personal time                                          13                      14
understanding and empathy                   14                      12
admiration                                               15                      19
security and stability                               16                         9
significance                                             17                      18
romance                                                  18                      10
domestic support                                     19                      16
nonsexual touch                                      20                        8

 

the imperatives of a vibrant marriage or healthy relationship
 1 commitment
 2 communication
 3 conflict resolution
 4 companionship
 5 physical intimacy (intimacy defined is “into me see”)
  men spell intimacy “s-e-x”
  women spell intimacy “t-a-l-k”


Categories in the “Men Start Here” book. . .
 1. Create and enhance meaning and value for her 
 2. Encourage her with your words   
 3. Give her your undivided attention   
 4. Serve her and share responsibilities   
 5. Physically adore her     
 6. Shower her with gifts    
 7. Just because you love her    


M agnify the Lord
A  ffirm each other
R  econcile Differences
R  ekindle Passion
I    nspire Integrity
A  ddress Issues
G  ain Insight
E  njoy Companionship