Chapter Three: Give Her Your Undivided Attention

(contents copyright Robert James Vickers. Print out and duplication permission is granted if utilized at no charge.)

Showing genuine interest and attentiveness to your wife is one of the most important ways to love and honor her. Undivided attention is imperative in any marriage—or relationship, for that matter—but it takes alot of practice to achieve. Sometimes this will be very simple and come natural. Most often, though, it will be something that you must train yourself to do. Work hard at it and you will immediately see a difference that this will make in your marriage.
There is no easy way to do this. You must truly choose regularly to show her your undivided attention. And you must genuinely offer it!

80.
Allow God to Empower You to
Give Your Wife Undivided Attention.
Pray that God will help you to show her, one to one, her value to you. Don’t allow yourself to be swayed to read the paper while talking to her. Or work on the car while asking her about her day. Ask God’s help to make it a daily practice to focus directly on your wife and to practice this without fail!

81.
Make Eye Contact when You Talk!
You cannot show her value while you are talking to her while watching television, reading the paper, listening to a radio talk-show, etc. Make eye contact directly with her every single time you have a conversation with her. Remember, the eyes are the windows to the soul. Learn to make eye contact! EVERY TIME!

82.
Show Interest in Her Day!
Ask her how her day went. Then, sit and listen. Ask questions about little things and listen. Just listen! Encourage her. Show her that you are interested in what she is saying, doing, working on, etc.

83.
Spend One Night a Month Together
with No Distractions.
Plan at least one regular night a month to spend together—just the two of you. Take her for a romantic dinner and movie. Try a love story, not a shoot-’em-up-and-kill-’em-type movie. Find something in your community to go to—an opera, community theater presentation, a play, a musical, etc. Again, if money is tight, don’t worry about it, go window shopping or something. It is your undivided attention to her that honors her and communicates your love to her.

84.
Find Out Her Favorites.
Make a list of favorites that you want to know about her (See Appendix B). Type the list and give it to her to fill out. Then, try to memorize five new things each week about her. You’ll be surprised how many times these will come up during normal conversation! Find out what she really likes at several of the favorite eating places around town. Then, surprise her at work or at home (wherever she works!) by taking her lunch. And take her something she really likes. Her friends will go nuts about how wonderful you are, and she’ll be proud and appreciative! Learn about her. Find out as much as you can about this wonderful human being you are spending your life with.

85.
Buy Her Card in Advance of an Occasion.
In other words, buy her a card a week before her birthday, Valentine’s Day or anniversary. To sweeten the anticipation, tell her a couple of times that you cannot wait for the special day to give her the special card. Provide numerous hints of your excitement. Make sure to have spent the time to find one that says something meaningful and relevant to her.

86.
Schedule Her Once a Week for Lunch…
…At least. Write it in your appointment book and allow nothing to make you late, forget or reschedule. Make it a priority and be on time! This can be a very special weekly time for the two of you!

87.
Send Her on a Scavenger Hunt.
Spend time arranging this first. Make child care and other necessary arrangements to clear an evening for the two of you. After you do the running around and setting this up, ask her to go to store #1 and pick up a package at the service counter.
1) Store #1 could be a local bookstore. Have a package waiting for her at the front desk with a book that she would like—a novel, a calendar, a romantic book, etc.—with a note attached saying to stop by the florist at such-and-such address.
2) Store #2 could be a florist where she will be handed a long stem rose with a note asking her to go to the lingerie store at the mall.
3) Store #3 could be the lingerie store where they will give her your small, wrapped gift and a note telling her to meet you at such-and-such restaurant.
4) You will be waiting for her at the restaurant! Ask the hostess to greet her with a card from you and anticipate her arrival at an approximate time. Have the waiter or waitress ask for her drink order by calling her by her first name and provide excellent service for the special night.
Put some thought into this and make it something she will never forget!

88.
Always Hold Her Hand.
Ask her to go for a walk, then hold her hand. Hold it at the grocery store, on the walk between the car and the mall, at church, etc. When you are walking with the children, sometimes tell them that you cannot hold their hand right now because you want to hold your wife’s.

89.
Reminisce Together!
Ask her to sit down and reminisce about the dating years. While doing it, ask her to sit on the couch beside you, like you did when you were first dating. Go back to some of the restaurants or places and relive some of that romance! Ask her to tell you about her high-school days and show some pictures, too.

90.
Ask Her For a Date.
Get in the habit of calling her and asking her to go somewhere for a party, etc., instead of assuming.

91.
Watch Her Dress and Undress.
Give her your undivided attention. Stare at her. Show her you adore her! Sometimes this may lead to more playful things, but don’t always expect it. Remember, expectations can truly ruin a marriage.

92.
Read a Book Together.
Read ten pages a night or one chapter a week and then discuss it. If reading is difficult for you, let her read out loud. Or buy a “book on tape.” Especially find a book on marriage, communication, parenting, fathering, etc. See Appendix H for information on additional resources, or find a book from the list in Appendix J.

93.
Shop Garage Sales Together.
Hey, you can save alot of money at yard sales and garage sales! It helps in being a good steward with all that God gives us! Besides that, it is really alot of fun! You can save alot of money and get some great deals, too!

94.
Snuggle and Read Song of Solomon.
Sit on the couch and snuggle a while. Then, get out your Bible and read together. Song of Solomon is a very intimate, romantic and moving place to start.

95.
Walk in the Rain Together.
Go for a walk in the rain or just after it rains. Notice the feel, the smell, the freshness. Take off your shoes and play in the puddles.

96.
Plant a Garden Together.
Try roses, tomatoes or something appropriate for your situation.

97.
Watch the Stars at Night.
Get away from the lights of the city and look for stars, constellations, etc. Can you see the military satellites (going north to south) or weather satellites (going east to west)? Try it!

98.
Go for an Ice-cream Cone.
On a summer day, get an ice-cream cone and go for a walk at the park. Or just sit in the ice-cream store, make eye contact and talk.

99.
Fly a Kite.
Purchase, assemble and fly a kite together. Listen, kids or no kids, this is a fun thing to do together. Take a blanket so when the kite is flying high, you can lay together and watch it.

100.
Call for No Reason.
Call daily from work just to tell her that you were thinking about her.

101.
Talk About Her Job…
..As well as yours. Don’t be intimidated if her job seems more interesting than yours. And don’t make her feel bad if it’s the other way around. Just ask her about her job and show an interest in what she does! Yes, this includes women who work in the home. They, too, have a job and you can just as easily ask about it!

102.
Be Involved in Things Together!
Attend parent-teacher conferences, PTA meetings, community meetings, church functions and other involvements together as a couple.

103.
Work Puzzles Together.
Buy a jigsaw puzzle and work it together while listening to a CD, the radio or audio tape. Try doing the puzzles with nothing on in the background and just talk. Start with one that is more simple. Don’t start with a 1,000-piece, flower garden puzzle.

104.
Spend Time in Nature!
Go camping together, either alone or with the children. Let her decide where to pitch the tent, what to eat, etc., and don’t complain a single time. Go swimming if she wants. Tour a cave, go for walks, swing at the park or something—no complaints! However, sometimes she won’t feel like making the decisions. In those cases, you be willing to make them, keeping in mind her likes and dislikes.

105.
Watch a Movie with Her.
Listen to her talk about a movie she would like to see. Then, go rent it and watch it with her. Make her some popcorn and a coke. If the phone rings, you get up and get it while she enjoys the movie and you serve her. Better yet, let the phone ring!

106.
Go Shopping for a Negligee Together.
Do this only if it is important to her. Don’t push your own agenda for sex onto her in this way or she will resent it.

107.
Spend a Work Day with Her.
Use annual leave, comp time or somehow take off from work one entire day to spend completely with her. If you have a good relationship with her boss, contact that person and make arrangements with him/her for your wife to take off. Treat her to a great day and never remind her of the sacrifice you have made.

108.
Put Your Arm Around Her at the Movie.
She’ll love it and you’ll be more comfortable, too.

109.
Exercise Together Regularly.
Ride bikes, join a health club, go swimming, walking or jogging.

110.
Go on a Picnic Together…
…Complete with sandwiches (that you made), chips, drinks, blankets, tape player, bikes, etc.

111.
Play at the Park.
Go to a local park and play together. Swing, run, throw a frisbee, have a picnic, sit and talk on a park bench, etc.

112.
Take Her to a Concert.
Buy tickets to a special concert and don’t complain about the price. Find a group that was popular when you were dating or maybe a group that you both liked when you were younger. Choose her favorite group—a Christian concert or something—not yours!

113.
Take Her Dancing.
If this is something that doesn’t have an inherent conflict with either of your belief systems, try it. Record six or eight songs on a tape and ask her to dance some quiet evening in the living room, den or bedroom. Invite other couples. Ask her to take dance lessons with you. If she likes country, offer to learn country. Not a single death has been reported listing “dance lessons” as a cause of death!

114.
Spend the Whole Day with Her.
Spend one entire day with her doing nothing except what she wants! Go shopping, drive through the countryside, work in the yard, etc.

115.
Paint Her Fingernails and Toenails.