Chapter Four: Serve Her and Share Responsibilities

(contents copyright Robert James Vickers. Print out and duplication permission is granted if utilized at no charge.)

Serving your wife might appear to be something very different than sharing household or family responsibilities. However, many men either fail to do one, the other or both. Our argument is that we must serve her as though she matters. We must make her matter more than anything! At the same time, we must share the responsibilities as we seek to love and honor our wife. Though different concepts, they are, perhaps, inseparable.

The irony is that it is also a responsibility that we have in caring for ourselves and carrying our own weight with responsibilities. As a side note, Dr. James Dobson suggests that the best way to enhance your love life with your wife might well be to help with household chores and responsibilities. We challenge you to try it—serve and share.

116.
Ask the Ultimate Servant Model for Help.
“When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with the wrong motive…” says James 4:3. Don’t ask God to help you serve her and share the responsibilities so that your sex life will increase. Ask Him to help you to serve her and love her because it pleases Him. He can show you ways to love and honor her through serving.

117.
Make a Menu Together.
Sit down together and make a menu and corresponding grocery list together. Then delegate shopping responsibilities or shop together, but don’t assume it is always her job to buy the groceries and prepare the meals!

118.
Create and Administer a Monthly Budget.
Discuss the monthly finances each month. Allow each other to give appropriate input, consider alternatives, make decisions and write checks. Remember to add in your church support, money for her to purchase her things and enough discretionary income to have freedom and flexibility in financial decisions. But, be smart and seek professional help if necessary in setting up a budget.

119.
Bring Home Dinner.
Call her at her place of work—even if that is in the home—and suggest bringing home dinner. Call her early enough that she doesn’t already have something thawing or cooking. Stop on your way home and pick something up. When you get home, remove it from the boxes, set the table and serve it as though you worked all day preparing it.

120.
Discuss the Children Often.
Regularly sit and discuss the children’s happiness, school, friends, behavior, future, clothes, rooms, toys, etc. What do you think needs improvement? How can you get there from where they are now? Regularly talk to your wife about the “cute” things that the kids are saying and doing. Discuss their fears. Talk about parameters that may need to be changed or environments that may need to be modified. Tap into your wife’s natural ability to discern the children’s social, emotional and psychological sensitivities. It will enhance your intimacy in the marriage, it will be meaningful to your wife, it will help your children, and it will allow you to grow in your fathering.

121.
Let Her Lay Down for a Nap.
Then, stay close to the phone to answer it and tell the caller she will call them back in a couple of hours. Stay near to the children to help them and care for them so that they don’t disturb her rest, either. Answer the door, keep the television or radio volume on low, etc. Do this on a regular basis.

122.
Clean Off Her Car on Cold Days.
Scrape the ice and snow off of her car and warm it up for her without her having to ask. Try to do it without her even knowing you did it.

123.
Pretend You are a Waiter.
Fix the meal she wants, set the table, fix her drink, wait on her if she needs refills, sauce, salt and pepper or whatever. Put a towel in your waistband to role-play the part.

124.
Let Her Sleep in Late on a Regular Basis.
You assume the responsibility to allow her to rest as long as she wants/needs. No hassles and don’t be a martyr!

125.
Perform “Honey-do’s” at Your Own Home.
Take a full day and do nothing but fix items around the house. And never complain about it. Even allow her to change her mind and ask you to undo something you have just completed. Let her tell you how she wants something done. Make this a priority like you would if a neighbor called. You do it for everyone else in town, why not do it for your wife?

126.
Wait on Her!
Get her a refill on the drink, serve her a portion onto her plate, fix her drink, dessert, etc. At home, at the restaurant or at a guest’s home. If someone says, “Pass the ketchup,” you get it.

127.
Play Games with the Children Together.
Play games that are age-appropriate and chosen by the children, not your preference. Candyland, Don’t Go To Jail, Jenga or Chutes and Ladders for the young ones. Monopoly, Clue, Don’t Go to Jail or Jenga for the older ones. Try different games. Ask friends what they use and be open to try change. Better yet, make up your own games! Be creative and explore available resources at a craft store.

128.
Secure the House at Bedtime.
Assure that all doors and windows are locked before you go to bed.

129.
Check on Things in the Middle of the Night.
Get out of bed in the middle of the night to see why the dog is barking, why the kids are crying or what the noise is.

130.
Care for Her Car.
Wash her car weekly and fill it up with gas, regardless of how dirty and how low the gas. Clean out the inside and wash the windows. Have the oil changed, add windshield-washer fluid, check the brake fluid, check the air pressure in her tires, etc.

131.
Wash Her Feet.
Gentlemen, this is the hardest of any act of love that you will ever try in your life, but it is the most meaningful if you share the faith. Jesus did it on very extra-special occasions and so can you. Buy a small tub at the discount store. Fill the tub with warm water, pick up a bar of soap, a washcloth and a towel. Read the Scripture as to what it means, why Jesus did it and how it was done by Jesus. Then, tell her, “Honey, this is awkward for me, but I want to try something very important.” Dim the lights and do it. She’ll probably cry as you serve her in the way of the Ultimate Servant and you will probably join her. It is a very meaningful thing to do to honor and love her. You’ll get better as you do it, it’ll get easier and she’ll more than likely begin to do it back to you. It is very meaningful and eventually can involve the entire family. This is hard to start but is easy to do. It is probably one of the most meaningful things you can do to create biblical value in your spouse’s life. Try it. Value her in this way!

132.
Take Out the Garbage…
…From the house to garage or from the garage to the curb regularly. Just do it without being asked. Replace the can liner, too.

133.
Sweep and Mop.
Sweep and mop the kitchen, bathroom or other bare floors, whether they are sticky or not.

134.
Clean Out and Scrub the Refrigerator.
Nobody, including her, wants to do this job…so why not you?

135.
Pick Up Your Dirty Clothes…
…And always put them in the designated hamper or basket. Carry the basket to the laundry room and do a load without being asked.

136.
Make the Bed Regularly.
It doesn’t matter that you’ll be getting in it later in the day. Make the bed. What is two minutes for her first thing in the morning?

137.
Clean the Oven.
First, ask her what kind of cleaner you should use. “Self-cleaning oven” doesn’t mean it cleans itself. Also, change the tin foil under the burners on electric stoves. Did you even know that it was there? Guess how it gets changed. Go buy some new metal liners and start changing the tin foil yourself on a regular basis.

138.
Read the Kids a Story.
You volunteer to read the bedtime story to the children. This is your responsibility and it is a wonderful time to share their lives. This is important to kids and makes for a pleasant night’s sleep. If they are scared about monsters and afraid to go to sleep, comfort them in a gentle, sensitive way. Leave them to go to sleep with the assurance of your unconditional love every night.

139.
Do the Laundry.
Tell her that you will be responsible for the laundry for an entire month. Then, be responsible for the entire month with no complaints, reminders or faded shirts! If you have a doubt as to whether something needs dry cleaning or other special care, ask first! If something needs ironing, learn to iron! Do it right without complaint!

140.
Wash the Dishes.
Make a commitment to wash the dishes every night that she cooks the meal. Then, keep your word for the entire week, month or whatever—with no reminders, etc. Load the dishwasher regularly!

141.
Clean the Bathroom on Your Own.
Don’t wait to be asked, especially after shaving, cleaning the dog, washing filthy hands, etc. Just clean the sink, tub, floor, etc.

142.
Help to Bathe and Get the Kids Ready for Bed.
Be a responsible father.

143.
Share Meal Responsibilities.
Assume the responsibility of fixing dinner and cleaning up at least once a week. Make her a deal: When she cooks, you clean the kitchen and wash dishes. If you cook, she cleans the kitchen and does the dishes. Don’t take meal time for granted. It is alot of work.